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Friday, June 8, 2018

The Gospel and Depression (2)

"Christ Chargeth Me To Believe His Daylight at Midnight" - Samuel Rutherford

It's morning again, it's noisy again
Kick start the day with some 
incremental fear and dosing anxiety 
Heart beating, can't stop it
Tries to go back to sleep but 
the day and its troubles banging on the door

What is dependence?
When you feel your body no longer 
responds to the sound of your own voice 
Your heart's planning an escape 
from your chest 
the only thing to cling to is infinite 
The immutable 
"Prone to wander, Lord I feel it 
Prone to leave the God I love"
oops, my grip is slipping again 
Can't hold on, falling back into the deep
Again
"Verily, verily God, these legs will bury me God"
Tears are dried up 
Frustration now sits where peace used to lay
But hey, duty calls
What's left is the strength just enough 
to get me off my bed

Night
Escape is here
Eyes shut, fleeting peace 
Except it's not peace but an illusion
Even my dreams laugh at the sound of my wishful thinking 
They'd soon wake me up 
At midnight and then at 3am 
To remind me of the morning that's near 
Lord please, I'm scared
My metaphors fail me. I'm sleep

"Are you okay ? "
Yes, I'm fine
Pseudo-truth 
If I tell you I'm not 
then what?
How do I explain I see black 
When you see colors 
How do I tell you I feel blue 
Even when there's no apparent cause 
I love you for caring 
But please don't get mad 
if I just want to stay quiet 
Pray for me 

Will this cloud ever lift? 
Yes, it will
Don't fight it, don't pray it away 
What to do with the voices?
Write about them
Understand the triggers
Ask for help
Admit weakness
This is the burden, this is the weariness
Depression is real, but God is realer

Friends & Family 
How can you help?
Pray with them 
Worship with them
Encourage them to seek help
Professional help
Don't try too hard to understand
Please don't say "get over it" 
It's often inexplicable 
Hugs, plenty of hugs

I wrote part of this poem about a month ago and I finally decided to finish it. If you pay close enough attention, you probably know someone that needs to read it. According to WHO, about 3000 people commit suicide every day. I don't know the percentage of these people who are Christians but I bet there's quite a few. We work with them, we go to school with them, we may be "them". Let's talk more about mental health and not pretend we are all okay. 

Grace and peace.

If you’re struggling with depression and/or suicidal thoughts, please seek help. Call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK or visit www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org.

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