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Monday, April 25, 2016

Struggles 101

I was reading about them today,your friends...
I think they were a lucky bunch and I wish to be them.
Maybe this would have been easier
Maybe this relationship wouldn't be so hard for me to be a part of
I'm struggling... not to believe but to stay believing
They walked with you so closely
They could see you, they could touch you, they could hear you



Sometimes I hear these walls laughing at me
They whisper to themselves
"Who is this man she keeps crying to every night, can he even hear her"
And I promise I ask myself the same question sometimes
My soul cries out, I just want to know I'm not alone
Am I insane to feel this way?
Are my anxieties valid?

But would it help if I could see, touch and hear you?
If I was alive when you walked on the same ground as me
Would it have made a difference in me?
It took no sight for the blind to believe
The lame remained on the same spot to receive healing
But still they that saw, heard and touched CHOSE not to believe
It's the choice to believe that counts

Lord, I won't pretend I get it all
I don't want to be a picture perfect Christian
Who am I deceiving with that?
I am the believer who sometimes struggles to stay believing
I am the Pharisee who sometimes honors you with just her lips alone
I am the Martha who sometimes struggles with finding rest at your feet
I am the David who is sometimes plagued with many questions about you
I am the Paul, desperately seeking to die to self daily

Lord, I struggle and I don't want to pretend I don't
How can I be healed if I don't disclose my symptoms?
How can I be found if I don't accept I'm lost?
How can I be taught if I say I'm done learning?
My Faith is hanging on to an anchor that can only be felt, not seen
I need you more than my words will ever be able to say
I need God to love God.

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