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Friday, April 1, 2016

Mind Maze

"Vanessa...nessa! Did you hear what I said?"

"I'm sorry what?” She replied with an almost apprehensive tone.

"Were you even listening to me or you were just fantasizing about a ghost".
Nessa, as she prefers to be called, was once again lost in one of her many supposed trances. Her profusely active mind has caused her to create a whole new world which is now a thousand miles away from reality. It was the safest escape, at least that's what she's made herself to believe over the years.
Who would blame her though? A young girl who grew up with very little knowledge of who she was or what she could possibly become. She never really had a voice to her face or an identity to her name. She lurked around in the shadows and only came out in the light of necessity. Speaking out was too much of a challenge to expend energy on and when the wind of oppression came blowing, she would bow in surrender without even trying; her confidence wavered with every opinion.

Some called it being shy and some even tagged her an introvert but these were just words being thrown at her. She needed a blank sheet to paint a picture of who she really is not a page already tainted by the passerby’s commentary; she needed a space she could call her own. When she looked in the mirror, she saw the reflection of an almost warrior who never made it to the battlefield. She saw a lion who had been made to believe was just an overly huge and hairy cat. Many occasions when she'd tried to seek an understanding of her existence, she got thrown into a darkness even deeper than the one she had left. It got darker, it got lonelier and most especially, it got tiring.
“Of course I was listening… you said something about stones, government and injustice” 
Realizing how meaningless she had just sounded, she quickly retracted her words and admitted she had been lost in thoughts, again.

“I’m so sorry Sikemi”. Even though her apologies were for her failure to pay attention, they carried the weight of someone who had just committed a grievous offense. She was sorry, really sorry Oluwasikemi had to fall victim of her frequent disconnection with the world.
“I’m just going to call you back some other time, it’s 3AM over there and I think you should go to bed” The silence on the other end of the line left a long trail of disappointment as Nessa held the phone to her ears still.

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