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Sunday, January 24, 2016

The Deafening Silence


Hi there,

Been a minute.
I have typed up four posts in my blog draft in the past couple of weeks, this being the fifth and only one that made it to the published page. All the other four posts were unfinished simply because they were incomplete and premature. I am not making sense yet? I should in a bit.
I have had a bunch of stuff on my mind to blog about and I promise you, they were all set in my head until I started typing and couldn't put the words together anymore.


This has been my struggle in the last few weeks not just with getting the words down but with getting them out. Writing has always been my way of escaping verbal entanglement, so imagine the brouhaha going on in my head with me not being able to excrete these words out in any way possible- in speech or writing. How do I even talk to God about my struggle if the words are stuck somewhere in "moyoland"?
A part of my frustration about not being able to write was the fact that I couldn't do the closest thing I have to a ministry and for some reason I felt "I have failed God"- Yeah, I go hard on myself a lot of times. Little did I know that this burden has come upon me to learn one of many lessons:
"God doesn't want us to work for Him at the expense of our walk with Him."
Whatever "work" I think I am doing for God should never get in the way of a true fellowship with Him. I was so worried about getting the word OUT THERE that I neglected getting the word IN HERE. And who am I to even decide when and how He should take glory for a gift He gave out of His splendor?  In my attempt to claim what is not mine, Pops dropped Exodus 4:11 in my heart real quick and I sobered up from whatever I was high on. Hence my disappearance from blogosphere.

Quick side note:
If anything on my blog has somewhat been misleading to anyone thinking "I have it all together", I sincerely apologize for that misinformation because I DO NOT.  I know it is very easy for us to read ( and I say this from personal experience) a bunch of christian blogs and inadvertently idolize the writers because they seem to be dropping it hot- straight outta divinity.And honestly, that does more harm than good. While God has been so gracious to reach us through so many platforms(blogs, music etc) , let us always remember to return the glory back to Him, appreciate His loving kindness for the gifts He gave, us, His children and truly see ourselves as clay in the hands of a potter.

I Deviate:
So while I was still worried about my "wordlessness", Some days, I would go almost an hour making an attempt to actually say a prayer to describe how I feel but all to no avail. I was going to crawl back to my little dark hole and just give up on trying at all together when Psalms 139 came knocking on my door. And then I'm like "wait oh", God is completely aware of what I am going through and He sees exactly what is in my heart so there definitely has to be more to it. In the midst of that silence, I was able to start a study of the book of Exodus and I REALLY needed to do that.

The lesson for me here is, God will sometimes take away our perception of what we think is most important to show us what is really important. It has been difficult coming to terms with a lot of things but everyday, I ask for the grace to just trust the process. Times like this, when I get reminded of my numerous shortcomings, I am tempted to look for my long lost comfort zone and cling to it but Mercy always says no ( Click here to understand)
At different points in your walk with Christ,  many things about yourself, that aren't very pleasing, will become more glaring but I want to encourage you to never look back or even contemplate letting go of the only one who saw exactly what you were at your worst and chose to love you regardless.

Keep fighting the good fight of faith
Grace and Peace.

1 comment:

  1. lovely post. One thing as a Christian is to always know that God is always with us (for that is our confidence). He said in His words that He will never leave us nor forsake us (Hebrews 13:5). As a believer we need to constantly know that God is always with us, I make bold to say that He is most with us when we think that He is far from us.
    The devil main goal is to deceive us that God is not with us and that is unbelief. When a believer lives in unbelief then he/she lacks faith. and without faith it is not possible to please God (Hebrews 11: 6) or let me say it is not possible to connect, communicate and receive from God, more so anything done out of faith is sin (Romans 14:23). that is why it is important Christians understand and do fight the good fight of faith.
    Grace and Peace be multiplied unto you my dear sister in Christ.

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