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Sunday, November 15, 2015

Get out of the rut!

Things have not been going as well as I expected them to be but I finally realized today that it's okay. I am almost in my final year of my undergraduate degree, and I finally overcame the mentality instilled in me that education is everything by getting out there and trying to get some experience in the real world. There was a conference I attended exactly a week ago now, prior to that, I'd applied for internships online and gotten rejection letters and some of them just didn't give any feedback so I decided it was time to meet the recruiters face to face and increase my chances of getting an offer. Even then, the recruiters that promised a phone interview never called or gave feedback on why my profile as a person was not a good fit. Not only did I find that very rude, it's frustrating and I couldn't move on. 
If you look at the Girls in Tiaras section of this website, the focus for the week was "Praise you in the Storm". Reading the post and going over the whats app discussion brought me to the realization that I've been in a one-sided relationship with God for a while. You know when you're in a relationship where there's no communication and you have to keep guessing what the person is feeling, that's exactly what I've been doing. I took advantage of the fact that God is all knowing and knows my heart, so I stopped talking to Him about my problems and took to the attitude "He knows what I'm feeling anyways" which I now realize was very immature of me. All the rejections and unplanned circumstances that have piled up this semester left me so frustrated and I just ignored those who cared but that was only because I let those things frustrate me. 
I've always seen myself as a pretty optimistic person because things have never really been hard for me, my parents have struggled to make my life as comfortable as it is now (Heaven bless their souls for all their sacrifices) and its easy to judge people who lash out at God when the going gets tough until you find yourself in that situation.
Usually at this time on Sunday mornings, my brother and I are turning onto 42nd street to pick up Moyo for the sunday service at our church but its different today. My brother went for a conference in Baltimore and I have to pick Him up from the airport this morning but my alarm still went off at the time it usually does every Sunday morning so I got bundled up and went for a run/walk. I did 4.7 miles and that time gave me the opportunity to think of all the things that I'm worried about but haven't talked to God about. I was able to clear my head, mind and see things from a different perspective. On my way back home, my brother called to remind me that he'll be back this morning; I asked Him how the conference went, he had nothing but good news. I was genuinely happy and grateful that things were working out for Him even if they weren't for me. That was not a comparison, it was me seeing from a different perspective that God is good to people no matter what they're going through. I abandoned my self pity and my recent habit of thinking but not asking, why isn't God good to me? I see now that even though my situation is not what I want it to be, God is still good.
I believe that my unplanned walk helped me to focus on other things apart from myself and see God's goodness and mercy all around me. Are you wallowing in self pity? Get out there and take time to focus on how good God really is no matter how little the time you have is. I think it will help and don't forget to take a selfie with a smile when you're done so you can go back and remember that feeling whenever you feel down. 

 Please ignore my four way knot, I have a lot of housekeeping to do today. Stay Blessed! 

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