Tuesday, March 15, 2016

Letter to my youngling

I had a conversation with one of my bestfriends today as I disclosed my intentions for my future kids and that conversation birthed this "letter".

Hey youngling, 

I've talked about you quite a bit in the recent days. Not that I have the slightest idea when you'd be here, but I can't help but live in my imaginations sometimes. 
I was talking to one of your godmothers today and you came up. I told her I wanted to be a part of your life as much as I can. I want to be there when you try your legs on standing, I want to be on the other side of the room watching your eyes filled with determination when you try to take your first step.
I want to be there when you learn how to put the alphabets together and alter your first words. I don't just want to watch you grow, I want to grow with you. 
But darling there's something you must know above all else. There's something that supersedes any thing you'd ever learn. Even though my desire is to always be there, the cold hard truth is I may not always be. But I need to teach you all you need to stand alone because a really dark world awaits your arrival. 

I want you to know above all else, that God is and will always be the only constant.  I want you to grow in awe of Him and understand that even mommy cannot do all of those things she mentioned by herself without His help. I want you to know that whatever good in you comes from Him alone. I want you to understand the depths of Jeremiah 17:9. I want you to love Him even more than you love your momma. 
We will have conversations about Him and I promise to let you in on every bit of my encounter with Him. I hope your inquisitiveness will be borne from a place of excitement about the savior more than anything else. 
I will be honest with you darling, I'm scared. You will not be born into the kindest or safest or most innocent world. It's raining cats and dogs down here and I wish I could tell you the cloudy days are almost over but they only just begun.  I'm scared that I won't be able to protect you from a lot of things but that's one of the lessons you need to learn early enough too.  I will be a fool to let you put your hope in me. I pray that your hope will be built on a foundation that never shakes and your anchor will be tied to the rock of ages alone. 

I want you to know that I will love you very much but not even that love compares to the one your Heavenly Father has for you. I don't just want to talk to you about these, I want you to experience it, to feel it and to embrace it. Because baby, that is the only thing that'll keep you afloat in this sinking world. That is the greatest inheritance I can leave you with. That is the only way I can be confident that with or without my presence, you're covered.  

I don't have a book on "how to raise the best kid" and even if I did, I'd probably fail relying on that alone. I'm not sure I even know the first thing to do with you once I see you lol. But you know who knit you together in my womb? -God. And even if I make all these plans for you before your arrival, they can never compare to what he has in store for you. And I need you to know that every single moment you're here.

I want you to know my duty to you as a parent is a mandate from a greater place. And I don't plan on carrying out that assignment on my own terms. I pray that God himself reveals to you the depths of His love and my actions do speak to you louder than my words will ever do. It is an ugly world, no doubt, but you will be carried in the arms of a very beautiful God. 

From your momma bear <3 



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